Archive | April, 2012

Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday

28 Apr

I sometimes often wish I could go back to work. Full-time. 

I can barely remember what it’s like to work full-time. I can imagine it’s a little like staring at a computer screen for 6-7 hours a day, and conversing with co-workers for the other hour or two. Throw in some meetings and conference calls, Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations, and that probably sums it up. But all I can think about is the quiet, alone time I would have where I could actually hear myself think. The time in the car commuting to the office would be nice. And the lunches. Those glorious lunch hours – either by myself or with colleagues – they would be the perfect way to break up the work day and I would totally enjoy them.

A wave of jealousy washes over me when my husband calls from work to tell me he has to travel. Why can’t I ever have five days to myself? Five whole days without the responsibility of making and serving three meals plus two snacks a day, changing diapers and Pull-ups, driving the kids to and from swim class and preschool, tripping over countless toys left strewn about the house, and refereeing various squabbles over stolen puzzles/books/younameittheyfightoverit. Five days to read books in my down time, enjoy eating out in restaurants, and even exercise at the hotel gym if I wanted to. Sounds heavenly to me.

Don’t get me wrong, when he announces he has a business trip coming up, I am not shy about laying on the guilt trip. I take full advantage of the days leading up to his trip, leaving him with the kids for “quality time” while I get a pedicure, go on a long run, or take a few hours to do some window {or actual} shopping for myself. It’s my way of preparing myself for the days and nights of exhaustion that I will most eloquently endure solo.

And we survive. Somehow, we make it through the week without Daddy. It helps that I have close friends and my in-laws close by, and they usually  offer to help when they know I’m on my own. I seriously do not know how single parents do it. I have a huge amount of respect for them – it’s hard work raising kids on your own.

When he gets back we have a happy reunion full of lots of hugs and kisses. We hear about the latest city he’s visited, he doles out souvenirs to the kids, and I promptly sneak out the laundry room door to the nearest coffee shop with my library book in hand so that I can recover from the week’s escapades over a nice warm cuppa.

I’ve gotta get my me-time, or I would not survive as a Mommy. Plain and simple.

Sending love and prayers to Kim for a speedy recovery from gallbladder surgery. Glad that sucker is finally gone! xoxo

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Five Things Friday

27 Apr

I’ve been lacking inspiration lately, so I decided to take a few days off from blogging and Twitter to re-group. Joy from Joy the Baker - one of my favorite baking blogs – had some great suggestions for post ideas, so I thought I’d run with one of them today and do a simple list of five of my favorite things lately.

  1. The HydraCoach water bottle - A few months ago I was waking up with headaches and was pretty sure it was because I was not drinking enough water during the day. A friend had pinned this and I decided to bite the bullet and just pay the $27 to get one so that I’d know exactly how many ounces I was taking in and I have got to say – it was totally worth it. It’s now a game for me to see if I can get past my goal of 59 oz before the end of the day. The headaches are gone and I am fairly certain it was due to upping my H2O intake. I’d say it was a good investment.
  2. Picked up Bloom at the library this week and I haven’t been able to put it down. Kelle’s ability to pour her heart and soul out in words on paper, on her blog, and in the gorgeous photographs throughout the book is amazing. Such a beautiful story about learning how to love again. Can’t wait to finish it to return it to the library so that another person can enjoy it was much as I am.
  3. WholeFoodsMarket.com - when we started juicing last week, I began searching for organic food markets in our area. Unfortunately, we don’t have one in our town, but there is a Whole Foods store about 30 minutes away. They were advertising a free weekly class on plant-based eating, so I called and asked if I could join in. It was a two hour class – half lecture, half cooking demonstration. I learned how to cook lentils and how to make an easy and very yummy mango lime sorbet. While I was there, I picked up some organic granola, plain fat-free Greek yogurt, raw organic honey, and blueberries and threw them together the next day for a post-workout snack. YUM.

    I am in love with their website because it has a TON of awesome recipes which are rated by users and people comment on how to adjust or alter the recipe, which is really nice. My favorite thing about it is that it has a virtual recipe box, so you can save ones you’d like to try without having to print them all out.

  4. The healthier eating habits our family has started to adopt over the past week since we bought the juicer.I’ve been slowly transitioning the kids off processed foods, and we are eating so much more of the healthy stuff – fresh fruits and veggies – than we used to in the past. I’m making a fresh veggie juice every morning which I split with my husband. He takes it to work to drink mid-morning and I have it usually when I’m out on the go with the kids before lunchtime.

Although he’s been slower than me to adapt to this big change, he’s starting to get into it more each day. Last weekend he made a vegetarian chili from scratch which was absolutely delicious. My sweet tooth has diminished significantly since jamming my diet with plant-based foods, but I did have a craving yesterday for chocolate chip cookies. So the kids and I ended up making a small batch with organic Spelt flour and agave nectar instead of sugar and they turned out pretty good if I don’t say so myself. I do want to keep the 5 pounds I’ve lost off though, so I need to keep my cookie-eating to a minimum. Which takes me to my next thing…

5. The 30-Day Shred- This video was created by Jillian Michaels in 2008, and man, do I wish I would have found it back then. It’s a 20-minute workout which is divided into three circuits: cardio, strength, and abs. What I love about it is that you’re never doing one exercise for more than sixty seconds. I can do anything for 60 seconds, so it goes by so incredibly fast for me. {Bought it on Amazon for $4.99 and play it on my laptop while blaring Katy Perry radio on Pandora via the ipad. I can only take so much of Jillian, if you know what I mean.}

I’ve been making it a habit to do it every afternoon around 3:30pm which is when the kids wake up from their naps. I give them a snack and they’ll sit and watch me do it, sometimes even getting in on the fun themselves too. {My daughter is hilarious when she does a push-up. She squats down, puts her hands on the floor in front of her feet, and kisses the carpet. Love it!}

I feel stronger, and think that I can definitely see a difference in my arms. My waist feels like it’s firming up, and overall I just feel good. I’ve only been doing Level 1, but am planning on moving up to Level 2 in May. The goal is to do Level 2 in May, Level 3 in June, and then maybe move on to do P90X in July.

So there you have it folks, the Five Things I’m Lovin’ on this Friday.

Happy Weekend everyone!!!

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Wordless Wednesday

25 Apr

Just another day at the playground.

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{Also linking up with Live and Love Outloud, And Then-She Snapped, The Paper Mama and Baby Baby Lemon!}

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The most important words

24 Apr

{Words}

I am the type of person that needs to hear certain words at times in my life. If I don’t, I feel lonely and sad. If I do, I am able to persevere, no matter how difficult the challenge I am faced with.

{I am sorry}

{I support you}

{It’s going to be okay}

{I missed you}

{Money is not important}

{We can get through this}

{I am here for you, no matter what}

{I love you}

To me, those last three words are the most important, by far. They can substitute, in a pinch, for all the others, and they make those other phrases even more warm and fuzzy when said together.

But for me, if I never heard any other words in my life but “I love you”, I’d get along just fine.

I make it a point to say it to my husband and kids throughout the day because it makes everyone feel good. To know you are loved has got to be one of the best feelings in the world. I know it is for me.

Linking up with two amazing blogs:

and

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Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday

21 Apr

I’m pretty sure my sucky methods of potty training are going to force my son into therapy.

Back when we decided he was “ready” to be potty-trained, we took the week during Thanksgiving vacation to stay home, put him in underpants and take him to the potty on 30-minute increments after coaxing him to drink lots of water and eat more fruits and veggies. I thought for sure it was going to be months and months of cleaning up poppy underpants and washing tons of urine-soaked pants. I was pleasantly surprised. There were stickers and celebrations every time he pooped on the potty. I even pulled out a wrapped gift leftover from Christmas the first time he dropped a deuce in his little boy potty.

In one week he went from ten accidents a day to going consistently on the potty day after day.

I rejoiced! I felt free! We could go on outings during the day and I only had to worry about changing one diaper instead of two!

{I may have bragged a teeny bit on Facebook.}

Wow. How things can change in a few months. He did so well from December to the beginning of April. Today? He refuses to poo on the potty. And I can tell when he’s holding it in – he gets this “deer in the headlights” look on his face and I just know. His belly gets so distended after not having taken a dump for five days that we end up having to give him Miralax or a glycerin suppository to help him get it out. I push water daily and he is good at eating fruits and vegetables, even though he’s become a bit of a picky eater lately.

I tell him to go use the potty when I notice him holding it in. He refuses. I carry him kicking and screaming to the potty. I demand he does his business on the potty and to not come out until he does. I yell. It makes me so sad after I do, but I can’t take it back.

{Loud crying screams go on for 10 minutes behind the closed bathroom door.}

I have reverted back to Pull-ups because I am so sick of cleaning poopy underpants. I am so sick of potty training drama, I can’t stand it.

So yeah, that’s my Secret Mommy-hood Confession for today. Sorry for so many mentions of poop.

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A promise

19 Apr

There have been many ups and downs in my life since being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder six years ago. Thankfully, the past few years have included significantly more highs than lows, mainly because I’ve been stable and have made a commitment to myself and my family:

I promise to always take my medication, see my doctor and therapist, and get good sleep.

This promise stemmed from the fact that, at 5 weeks pregnant with my daughter, I spent almost a week in a psych ward to bring me down from the most extreme psychosis of my life. It came about because I was so incredibly happy – over the moon, really – that we were pregnant after trying month after month for almost a year that I didn’t make sure I was getting enough sleep. I remember the nights leading up to the hospitalization where I would just lie in bed wide awake, my mind racing with baby names while my husband was sleeping soundly beside me. You see, when I knew I was ready for another baby, I wanted it like, that second. To have to live my life in two week increments for so long, and to have waited almost a year to see those two pink lines, both of those realities had driven me mad. Quite literally.

I count my lucky stars that I was able to get help. I took the medication I needed with my doctor’s close supervision, in order to make it through the pregnancy. And my wonderful husband took over many a night feeding during the first month or two so that I could get the sleep I needed at night and the naps needed to catch up during the day.

In the waiting room before my trial to be released from the hospital {yes, there was a trial due to the fact I was involuntarily committed}, my husband and my dad sat with me. I was in handcuffs. Don’t ask – we have no idea why they would cuff an almost 6-week pregnant woman who wouldn’t hurt a fly – but we think it was because they had to treat all the patients the same. My hair was a disaster, I had on mismatched sweats and the sticky-bottom hospital socks and I was just dying to get out of there. I can’t remember why I didn’t have shoes on.

This is where the promise occurred. My dad took a picture on his phone of me sitting on the small sofa in that tiny room. With cuffs on.

So I would always make good on my promise to keep taking my medication.

That was two years ago. And I have no intention of ever breaking that promise.

My family means too much to me to ever put them through that again.

Thank you to my dad, for thinking to take that picture. Now, Dad, it may be on your old iphone which has a shattered screen, but maybe you could find a way to email it to me so that I can crop it and Instagram-it so that I could add it to this post?

{Don’t hold your breath since he’s not that great with computers and he’s presently on a golf trip in South Carolina. But I’ll try to add it. For posterity.}

Mama’s Losin’ It

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Wordless Wednesday: Juice

18 Apr

Remember this post last week? I woke up from my sugar-induced coma feeling sluggish and fat and that was all it took. My mind was made up. It’s time to get serious about living healthier.

I went out and bought us a juicer this morning. My brother has been raving about his, and I’ve seen so many reports on the benefits of drinking fresh juice, I finally decided we needed to get on board.

First juice of the day: 1 tomato, 3 carrots, 1/3 cucumber, 1 lime and 1/2 clove garlic. Delish. Tasted kinda like a virgin Bloody Mary, but a healthier version.

Second juice of the day: 2 apples, 4 carrots, 5 wedges of watermelon. Oh my goodness. This tastes heavenly and sweet. So fresh and tasty.

I could get used to this.

I found an awesome website, even before I went out and bought the machine, which I then learned was created by the guy who made the documentary Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead. I’m going to JointheReboot this weekend with the Long Weekend Reboot.

Healthier me, let’s get this party started.

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{Also linking up with Live and Love Outloud, And Then-She Snapped and Baby Baby Lemon!}

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My manuscript

17 Apr

Sometimes when I think about it, I get all excited to sit down at my computer and start writing again. Especially after receiving feedback from the few individuals who I’ve asked to read it. When they say it’s good, that it’s really good, it motivates me so much.

Then life gets in the way.

Diapers need changed, meals need to be served, baths need to be given, stories need read, little ones need to be tucked in.

And after all that, I’m usually too exhausted to open up my manuscript and write. There just aren’t enough hours in the day, it seems.

 

Do I at least get points for thinking about it? Because I think about it a lot. Usually more than once a day.

Sometimes I think I should sit down and at least outline the major points I hope to cover in this story of living my life as a parent with bipolar disorder. You know, an intro, middle and ending. Tie it up with a neat little bow.

The last person who read it and sent me feedback {incredible, detailed, awesome feedback, let me just say} had a good point: it’s hard to outline the book because it’s not finished yet. I’m still living this life that I am writing about.

Speaking of not being finished. My husband and I are so incredibly grateful to have two precious little ones, a girl and a boy, nonetheless. Sometimes I think we hit the jackpot. Especially since I took medication during my second pregnancy. But I had a surprising feeling emerge after the birth of our daughter.

I don’t think I’m done yet.

Surprising because I had intense morning sickness during her pregnancy. So much so, that I took Zofran for six weeks. I had early contractions that sent me to the hospital for monitoring overnight, not once, but twice before she was born. I had awful heartburn almost daily, a bladder that constantly felt as if it were going to explode, and a good night’s sleep was distant, distant memory.

But the day after she was born, I knew I could do it again. My husband used to say that he always wanted to have three kids. He and I were both the product of 2-kid families, and I could see his interest in maybe adding another to the mix, but I thought I only wanted two myself. After we found out she was a girl I proclaimed we were done. Then she arrived and I instantly forgot about all the discomfort that the pregnancy caused.

I think you just have that feeling as a woman. You know when you are done and when you’re not. And I don’t think I’m done yet, plain and simple.

Know it or not, we’re not planning on crossing that bridge yet. And so the story isn’t truly finished yet. If we do go on to have another child, one thing is for sure: I will continue on Lithium during the entire pregnancy. There is an increased risk of a heart defect, but the benefit of my staying on medication – the medication that works so well for me – vastly outweighs the risk of taking the medication during a pregnancy, for me. For me, and the experience I’ve had thus far, it’s a no-brainer.

So for now, I will go to the manuscript from time to time to tweak and write, but my focus at the moment will be this blog and reaching people through this medium. There are so many ways to reach people, and I hope one day to be in print, but right now I think that one of the best ways is through blogging about my journey.

I will blog on.

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