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Rainy Wedding Days

20 May

photo (4)

Last night, before turning out the light in the guest room of my brother’s house, I pulled a slim white album off the corner bookshelf at the foot of the bed. I knew what the album contained before opening it. Some of the photos were familiar, but I marveled at how I found there were several which I seemed to be looking at as if for the first time.

They looked so young to me. I tried to imagine the emotions they must have been feeling on that day. Fear, excitement, joy, and a little anticipation for a new sort of freedom thrown in for good measure.

My dad, he stood so straight and proud. Decked out in his dress uniform. Short military haircut, boyish grin. His eyes sparkled with an obvious happiness.

My mom, a vision in her long-sleeved, poofy-shoulder white gown. With lace detail and tulle veil. Her eyes gazing nervously into her future.

At that moment, when they became husband and wife, I wonder if they stopped to think during all the buzz and exhilaration of the day. Did their future flash before their eyes?

Did they envision two kids and the single-family house with a white picket fence? Did they ever think, in their wildest dreams, that they’d eventually have a son-in-law and daughter-in-law who so perfectly fit their own daughter and son? Or that many years down the road they’d be the proud grandparents of four beautiful grandchildren ranging in ages from eight weeks to almost 5 – two boys and two girls?

I guess our family has a thing for keeping things in balance.

If my parents felt on their wedding day anything like I felt on mine, they experienced a roller coaster of emotions, tied together with a string of nerves. I just wanted everything to be perfect and so naturally, it rained. Not just a little sprinkle. No, actually, it was quite the opposite. The sky threatened to open up from the second we woke up that Saturday. But of course, it held off until that critical moment for every bride. Just as my dad and I were getting out of the limo to enter the church filled with our friends and family, rain fell from the sky in buckets.

The rain must have brought with it the good luck that everyone says a rainy day wedding brings. It also rained on my parent’s wedding day, forty-two years ago this October. For me, married for almost 10 years, I most certainly feel extremely lucky in love.

And I have a new-found appreciation for a rainy day.

“Love comforteth like sunshine after rain.” – William Shakespeare

{It’s been raining all day today, my last day here in Florida. It was a perfect day to write, with the melody of raindrops falling fast and furious as I type out and post what I wrote this morning. Tonight it’s back home to Virginia, to my little family who I’ve missed so much these past 4 days.}

My husband, our chef

30 Apr

Saturday morning we were all anticipating my husband’s arrival home, as he had been away all week on a business trip in Austin, Texas. It had been a long, draining five days of doing ALL THE THINGS by myself and I was tired. The kids couldn’t wait to see their Daddy, especially our son who was anxiously wondering whether his father was going to be bringing him home the Lego City Police Station, a toy carrot he had dangled to ensure good behavior for Mommy. {It really came from his Grandma, but she wanted us to say it was from Daddy and we didn’t object.}

It worked like a charm. Or maybe that was because I continuously reminded him of the reward he would receive for said good behavior. Hey, I never said I was above bribes.

Swim class that morning was the last hurdle I had to jump over with the two kiddos before I could breathe easy knowing my better half would be home two hours later. And it wasn’t even that bad since baby girl wasn’t feeling well that meant I didn’t have to attend her class with her, giving us both the luxury to sit on the bench and relax, watching her brother splash and float during his lesson.

Home again, I made lunch and the kids ate and then it was time for naps and quiet time. I wanted myself to curl up and take a quick snooze before my husband got home, but instead I began the process of tidying up the house {aka dusting, vacuuming, and re-arranging our masses of clutter} since we were having friends over for dinner later that evening.

A few hours later and all was well in our world. I had raced to the store and back for fresh ingredients, while the kids got to fill their father in on all their adventures during the time he was away. Lots of hugs were exchanged and plenty of snuggles for baby girl who was feeling the unpleasant effects of the massive amount of pollen in the springtime air. Our little man talked his dad into building the two vehicles that came with his Lego police station, so as to appease him until the next day when they could spend a few hours putting the entire set together. Our daughter had fun dressing and re-dressing her Melissa & Doug ballerina magnet doll. {Another new toy from their Grandma. She loves to spoil her grandkids and we let her.}

Then my husband got to work in the kitchen, preparing the meal for the evening once our guests had arrived. It was so nice to see our friends who live close, but not close enough that impromptu visits are easy and frequent. Instead, we have to plan a few months ahead and then pray that kids stay healthy so that we can keep the date. It worked out this time since allergies were the culprit behind our little girl’s scratchy throat and sneezy, drippy nose. The kids easily connected around the water table and played together happily as we adults caught up over appetizers and drinks.

I love watching my man cooking dinner. He is very methodical in how he approaches the tasks of the recipe, which he usually follows to a perfect T each and every time. This time we were trying out a new dish, Lemon Garlic Scallops with Rustic Farro Risotto, from my friend’s food blog, with asparagus on the grill to accompany it. I try not to impede on the way he moves about the kitchen, but of course I find myself critiquing and offering suggestions on how he should be searing or grilling or stirring, when I really should just keep my mouth shut because his food always comes out delicious.

I know how lucky I am to have an amateur chef as a husband. I’ve finally come to realize this after almost ten years of marriage. He generally does all the cooking in our house, because every so often when I do try my hand at putting a meal together, nine times out of ten it turns out terrible. Sometimes worse than terrible. I get mad, curse myself for the wasted time and effort, and my pride suffers. Then I swear I’m never cooking another meal for him again because whenever I do, he turns his nose up at it. {This is because it is terrible, remember, so I really can’t blame him.} But over the years I have slowly accepted the fact that he’s simply better at cooking than I am and I should embrace it rather than try to compete with it.

So with that, I present to you: my husband the chef.

HusbandChef_BML

And now, please excuse me while I go pin some new recipes for him to try.

I love you, honey. Thank you for feeding our family with love.

“Cooking today is a young man’s game. I don’t give a bollocks what anyone says.” ~ Gordon Ramsay

10:35pm – Edited to add:

When Ben got home tonight, I asked him read my post, as I usually do on the days that I publish. Reading over his shoulder as he scrolled through the post, I noticed that I had forgotten something very important when writing this piece.

When I first became sick at the end of 2005, I struggled with eating a great deal in 2006. From the mix of medications I was on to the raging anxiety that had taken over my body, sitting down to enjoy a meal three times a day was a distant memory from my past. Some days I was nauseous from the moment I woke up until I crawled into bed at the end of the night. I lost about 12 pounds, which may not sound like all that much, but for someone who is only 5 feet, 2 inches tall, it’s a big deal. I remember looking back at pictures from that summer and my cheeks were sunk inward on my formerly chubby face, my arms seemed like pencils they were so thin. But my loving husband did not give up on me. He tried new recipes he thought I might like, went back to some of our old favorites from college when he used to cook to impress me while we were courting, and kept me smiling with his extravagant baking to appeal to my sweet tooth {and in the hope that I’d consume some calories, even if they were all sugar}.

Anyone who has ever been clinically depressed knows what I mean when I say it was impossible to eat at times. My appetite was squashed by my diagnosis and meds, and my formerly sunny, outgoing personality had also been beaten up pretty badly. If my husband wasn’t there by my side, encouraging me to keep trying, taking me on dates to our favorite Indian restaurant at least once a week, I may have lost more than the weight I did that year. I may have lost my power to fight the illness that had knocked me down.

I am forever grateful to my better half, for not only sticking with me, but for feeding me when I needed fed. He fed me with his love, his optimism, and his incredible culinary skills.

I love you with all my heart, honey.

xoxoxo

Wedded Bliss

9 Apr

SunriseWeddingDress_BML

{image by Stacey Windsor Photography}

This August, my husband and I will have been married for 10 years. Ten years of wedded bliss. Well, if you consider the roller coaster ride of being married to someone who struggles with bipolar disorder to be blissful, then yeah, I guess you could call it that. For better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health.

There obviously was no way he could have known. My illness conveniently broke through the surface after we had only been married for two years and four months. It threatened to tear us apart. But, instead of letting it knock down the little life we were building together, we used it as an opportunity to grow together. Stronger. Closer. Richer.

One day at a time.

On August 30th, 2013, those days will equal ten years. Best 10 years of my life.    By far.

My friend Stacey, a very talented photographer in the DC area, asked me recently if I’d be willing to get back into my wedding gown for some pictures so she could build her portfolio. I jumped at the opportunity, especially since this year is a big anniversary for us. We had planned on shooting down by the Cherry Blossoms in downtown DC, but the Cherry Blossom 10-miler was this past Sunday, the same day we had scheduled the pictures. We would have to find an alternative spot.

Hair and Makeup ladies arrived at my house at 4:30am on the dot, and within an hour I was transformed from sleepy mom to elegant bride, complete with airbrushed skin and side-swept cascading curls. I slipped on my dress and we headed downtown to find a spot where Stacey could snap away. We ended up taking a bunch of photos on Teddy Roosevelt Island which was such a perfect consolation location. Then we headed over towards Gravelley Point Park, but ended up stopping along the GW Parkway to shoot in a daffodil field and under some weeping willows. By that point we had met up with my husband, the kids, my sister-in-law and my in-laws. It was a frigid morning, but one I will never forgot. It was an incredible feeling to be a bride again for a morning.

My husband watching, smiling at me posing for pictures, was the icing on the anniversary cake.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life. That word is love.

- Sophocles

Secret Mommy-hood Confession Saturday

28 Apr

I sometimes often wish I could go back to work. Full-time. 

I can barely remember what it’s like to work full-time. I can imagine it’s a little like staring at a computer screen for 6-7 hours a day, and conversing with co-workers for the other hour or two. Throw in some meetings and conference calls, Excel spreadsheets and PowerPoint presentations, and that probably sums it up. But all I can think about is the quiet, alone time I would have where I could actually hear myself think. The time in the car commuting to the office would be nice. And the lunches. Those glorious lunch hours – either by myself or with colleagues – they would be the perfect way to break up the work day and I would totally enjoy them.

A wave of jealousy washes over me when my husband calls from work to tell me he has to travel. Why can’t I ever have five days to myself? Five whole days without the responsibility of making and serving three meals plus two snacks a day, changing diapers and Pull-ups, driving the kids to and from swim class and preschool, tripping over countless toys left strewn about the house, and refereeing various squabbles over stolen puzzles/books/younameittheyfightoverit. Five days to read books in my down time, enjoy eating out in restaurants, and even exercise at the hotel gym if I wanted to. Sounds heavenly to me.

Don’t get me wrong, when he announces he has a business trip coming up, I am not shy about laying on the guilt trip. I take full advantage of the days leading up to his trip, leaving him with the kids for “quality time” while I get a pedicure, go on a long run, or take a few hours to do some window {or actual} shopping for myself. It’s my way of preparing myself for the days and nights of exhaustion that I will most eloquently endure solo.

And we survive. Somehow, we make it through the week without Daddy. It helps that I have close friends and my in-laws close by, and they usually  offer to help when they know I’m on my own. I seriously do not know how single parents do it. I have a huge amount of respect for them – it’s hard work raising kids on your own.

When he gets back we have a happy reunion full of lots of hugs and kisses. We hear about the latest city he’s visited, he doles out souvenirs to the kids, and I promptly sneak out the laundry room door to the nearest coffee shop with my library book in hand so that I can recover from the week’s escapades over a nice warm cuppa.

I’ve gotta get my me-time, or I would not survive as a Mommy. Plain and simple.

Sending love and prayers to Kim for a speedy recovery from gallbladder surgery. Glad that sucker is finally gone! xoxo

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The most important words

24 Apr

{Words}

I am the type of person that needs to hear certain words at times in my life. If I don’t, I feel lonely and sad. If I do, I am able to persevere, no matter how difficult the challenge I am faced with.

{I am sorry}

{I support you}

{It’s going to be okay}

{I missed you}

{Money is not important}

{We can get through this}

{I am here for you, no matter what}

{I love you}

To me, those last three words are the most important, by far. They can substitute, in a pinch, for all the others, and they make those other phrases even more warm and fuzzy when said together.

But for me, if I never heard any other words in my life but “I love you”, I’d get along just fine.

I make it a point to say it to my husband and kids throughout the day because it makes everyone feel good. To know you are loved has got to be one of the best feelings in the world. I know it is for me.

Linking up with two amazing blogs:

and

On friendship

16 Apr

“A day without a friend is like a pot without a single drop of honey left inside.”

~ Winnie the Pooh

I remember a conversation I had with my mom about friendship back when I was in high school, probably about 16 years ago or more. I was describing to her how my relationship with one of my friends had changed, and how it made me sad.

She sympathized with me and explained that as the years go by, my friendships will evolve. Some people would remain in our lives forever, and we would grow closer and closer. And others would slowly fade away, leaving only the memories behind to savor.

Looking back now, I can understand exactly what she was trying to teach me.

I have several friends – people I have known for fifteen or more years – who I don’t get a chance to see more than once a year if I’m lucky given the distance between us. The best man from our wedding and his wife are two of them. He had a work conference this week and so they came to visit and stay with us this past weekend so that we could catch up and visit with each other. We hadn’t yet been able to meet each other’s youngest, and our two older ones had only ever met once before that.

The beautiful thing about our friendship with them is that it’s easy. We can come together after not having seen each other in a few years, and it’s like we haven’t skipped a beat.

Those are the absolute best friendships to have, in my opinion.

We talked and laughed and reminisced. Took hundreds of pictures and stayed up late playing board games. Our daughter was smitten with our friend and would walk over to him with her head back and arms lifted high up towards his head to be picked up. She doesn’t do this to anyone other than me or my husband. We hung out on the deck and had drinks and dinner. We threw all four kids in the big tub and watched them splash around in the bubbles, smiles all around. We shared little stories about them, our favorite iphone/ipad apps, and had lots of quality playtime.

In short, it was the best weekend ever.

We’re both celebrating ten years of marriage next year. The guys were each other’s best man. To honor this milestone, they invited us to join them on a vacation sometime in the Spring of 2013. Adults-only. The kiddos will get some quality time with the grandparents. {get excited, grandparents} Oh yeah. We’re in.

We’re so in.

And although we may not get the chance to get together again before then, it won’t make a difference. We’ll pick back up right where we left off.

Because that’s what great friends do.

 

“Friends are the most important part of your life. Treasure the tears, treasure the laughter, but most importantly, treasure the memories.”
- Dave Brenner

The Sunday blues

8 Apr

I cannot be the only housewife who has to deal with her poor husband’s case of the Sunday blues.

All freaking day, starting promptly at 12pm every Sunday on the dot. It’s as if his body has an internal alarm clock that goes off once the afternoon hits and he realizes he has to go back to work the next day for an entire week.

Give me a break.

Around noon each Sunday he ceases all conversation with me, parks his butt on the couch with the remote in hand and begins staring blankly into the TV screen until his eyes glaze over and eventually close. Ten minutes later he can be heard snoring from the next room.

I get so frustrated with his lack of responsiveness that I usually end up yelling at him. Nagging him to do one thing or another. Like that helps. But I don’t know what else to do sometimes.

Doesn’t he want to enjoy every last drop of his weekend with his family? Why can’t he help me with their baths instead of just laying there? I’d LOVE to be lounging on the couch having a beer  while watching my favorite sporting event too, but I have two babies who are crying for my attention. So you just go ahead, whydon’tyou. 

One weekend, after another one of our routine Sunday afternoon/evening arguments, he told me that I just didn’t understand. Then he asked me if I remembered what I was like on Sundays when I was working.

I stopped to think.

I actually could barely remember the days of getting dressed up to go to an office and sit at a desk and talk to clients and be all professional, let alone how I acted on Sundays. It was as if those days were so far behind me. In reality it has only been four years.

But if I think back really hard I can remember what it was like. I used to get all tense and edgy and stressed – anxious even – when Sunday afternoons rolled around. I’d start to think about the work I left piled at on my desk when I left on Friday and would dread the buzz of the alarm clock when it startled me awake the next morning. And I would have to d-r-a-g myself out of bed each and every single Monday morning in order to make it to the office on time.

Now when I think of him sulking about having to go to work on Mondays, I get a tad bit jealous thinking about how nice it would be to have a whole entire eight hours {including commute time} to myself. I would be able to go to the bathroom by myself. I’d be able to sit and enjoy lunch over thirty minutes without having to wipe messy hands and faces, change diapers and wipe bottoms twenty minutes after eating, and bend over and sweep up crumbs off the floor. I’d be able to chat with colleagues while eating. People who were older than 3! Oh, it would be glorious.

But I wouldn’t last more than a week.

I’d miss my kids way too much.

So I’m thinking I need to learn to be more tolerant of my husband’s Sunday afternoon behavior. I have always needed to work on being compassionate to what other people are going through if it is not something familiar to me at the time. I guess the best place to start would be at home with the man I love so dearly. I am going to work on this.

But in the meantime, I’m curious. If you can relate to this post, how do you deal with your husband or partner’s Sunday blues??

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